Mental Musings
Our therapy team shares their thoughts on creativity, psychology, human behavior, and living better

Sanctuary in a crazy world.

Thursday, May 3 3:24 PM

I was recently reminiscing about how when I first moved to NYC I longed for quiet space, and in my quest for tranquility took to walking into churches when I needed a break from the hustle and bustle of the people and traffic.

In my 15+ years in the city I have been able to carve out some quiet time into my schedule, even with two school age kids, but it has taken effort, perseverance, and discipline to maintain opportunities to be somewhat still and contemplative.

Until recently I would have thought that stress, and in particular the stress related to having a busy life and hectic schedule, were adult-only problems. Now I realize, by witnessing my own children, and the children that I see in my office, that sadly, stress has begun to creep into the lives of even the very young.

Living in the city certainly exposes families and children to harried daily routines; rushing to the daycare so mom and dad can get to work; hurrying to catch a subway train; making it to that mommy & me class in time; later, rushing through crowded city streets to school.

And with an increasing emphasis on performance, academic, professional, and social, starting at an ever younger age, stress seems to be coming at us from every direction. Add to that the current climate, natural, political, and economic, and you’d be crazy NOT to feel stressed out most of the time.

Adults have a hard enough time maintaining their sanity. When you throw kids into the mix, it can get heated. Parents and kids tend to feed off of each other’s stress, as do partners, and it takes only one stressed out family member to start a ping-pong game of freaking out.

This is why, if you’re a parent, it is doubly important to be able to manage your stress. Not only has your life become exponentially more stressful and challenging, but whatever habits you have in response to those challenges will be passed on to those ultra-sensitive recording devices, your children. Bottom line: The way we experience and manage stress as parents has an impact on how our children experience and manage their stress.

So what's a busy family to do? Sometimes, the solution to being totally stressed out may seem counter-intuitive. You may think that the answer is to go faster and faster still, so you can cross more and more things off of your to-do list. Sure, your brain may be wired to feed off of its own anxiety, as the adrenaline rushes through you and keeps you in a fight-or-flight mode. But give yourself the opportunity to step off your hamster wheel for just a short while, and you may see things from a different perspective.

Recently at a social gathering, a mom came up to me and said: “You’re the art therapist? I need your help! I don’t know how to play with my kids anymore. I am always so busy that I am too tired to engage with them in a meaningful way.”

Sound familiar? If you are a parent, when was the last time you actually spent quality time playing with your child? And I don’t mean just sitting alongside them while they color, checking your mail on your phone. I mean really, truly, engaging in imaginative play or art making with them? For that matter, when was the last time you even spent quality time with yourself?

If you have an exercise routine, or a yoga or meditation practice, or if you garden, then hooray for you, you’re already working to manage your stress. (And by the way, doing the stairmaster while you watch the news on the monitor with your headphones in, or while taking business calls with your hands-free device? Those don’t count.)

Truly stepping off the stress treadmill requires aligning both body and mind. It requires having a sensory, physical experience that matches your mental environment and brings them together. It means getting away from the hustle and bustle of the city, but also from the hustle and bustle in your head.

I may be biased, because I am an art therapist, but what better way to do that than by making art? Sitting down with your child, and drawing, or painting ,or making something out of playdough can take a moment to get started, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get there.

Playing with your child may feel like one more thing to cross off of your to-do list. But setting the time aside to be creative and playful will not only benefit your child, it will probably benefit you too. So if you’re like me and you can’t relax with a sink full of dirty dishes, then quick, do them first. Get your house in as much order as you need to be able to relax for a moment. Then, invite your child to do something with you: a board game, an arts and crafts project, or even building legos. Or a dance competition. Whatever it takes to get your mind off the fact that the world is truly going mad (more on that in an other post…).

In these hectic times, there are a lot of uncertainties. It’s hard to tell what’s going to get us first: the climate, the economy, the terrorists or the politicians. And much of this may be outside of our control. But let’s hope that we can at least, for a moment, find a way now and then to duck into a church of our own making. A place and time that is quiet, safe, and welcoming, and that allows us to reconnect with our loved ones and ourselves.

Try it.